Our Last Goodbye

Last night the kids and I painted rocks and said our last goodbye to Oreo. They did a really good job and I am proud at how brave they have been. Kenya is having a hard time concentrating at school and Hawke doesn't really want to talk about it, so he can just get it out of his head and I'm a freakin mess! It may seem silly to those who aren't animal lovers. Those who think animals are disposable and all the same. I know it was hard for me to understand when co-workers, family or friends would be distraught after losing a pet. I would think get over it already! I guess this was a lesson I needed to learn to have sympathy for others. Growing up we had many pets and I would play with them, but I was never attached to any of them. They would come and go and it wouldn't matter. Raphael and I didn't even want pets, we hated the hair and everything that comes with having pets, but we knew the kids would want them so we decided on cats. Kenya and Hawke picked their favorites from the humane society. A year later we were walking into a walmart and of course someone had kitties. The kids and I have seen and walked by dozens of kittens and I never hesitated to say NO, ...but my sister was moving out and her kitty had just past away, so we called her about the little white one (Angel) and that's it, but I saw Oreo and touched his belly and he just curled all up over me and melted my heart. I couldn't leave him there. I convinced my sister to take both, but I already knew he was for me. We had them sleep with us till she moved in to her apartment and then took them to her. We visited every other day to see them. Then she and my nephew realized they were allergic to cats and I fought with Raphael for weeks to bring them home and then brought them home regardless of him saying no because I couldn't let him go and I still can't. I heard his little meow in the street when I was looking for him early in the morning..it was so faint and I looked in the drain and everywhere, but I never thought to look in the garbage across the street..who would do that? If only, I could have found him sooner :0( For now my schedule is learning to change because he is no longer curled up behind me as I work and he is not jumping up on the washer as I do a load of laundry to watch the water run..he's not fighting with Tiger, he's not sitting on my shoulder, he's not anywhere. He was literally up on me all day long and the house is so quiet without his mischief while the kids are in school. So much for not ever wanting a pet. I know from dealing with my brothers death, time passes and we all move on..I just wish it would move a little faster, just this one once. His passing has taught me a very important lesson in humility. Those who really know me, know that I would never have expressed these feelings out loud. I wouldn't want to be seen as weak or I would have felt silly for feeling this way about a cat and it doesn't help that after having kids you become a more emotional person, but he will be Forever in our hearts!